Cheating man can blame their mothers ?

When you have been cheated by your boyfriend or husband you better read the following. One of the major causes of cheating is the disapproval of the mother of the girlfriend. The second cause is the toleration of the mother of her own husband while he is cheating on her. Disapproval of the girlfriend seems to be the number one reason why a man can cheat on his wife, the fact that the mother does not like the current woman gives the man the unconsciously right to look for a better one who will get the approval of the mother. By the disapproval the mother tells the son, hardly ever in words but in body language, that he is better off with another woman. In fact she demands him to look for a better, more suitable for her, woman. On the other hand the children are very well aware of the behavior of the father in the house. When the father is cheating the mother without her knowledge the children will go through a morally difficult time. They will have a very strong pressure on loyalty for both parents but forced to keep peace in the house. But when the mother knows that her husband is cheating and continues the relationship it opens two possibilities. If she has a son , this boy will consider the behavior of the father as accepted and will think it is something he could do also. If it is a girl she will think that it is something a woman must tolerate and she probably will do the same if her husband cheat on her.


Arnaud van der Veere

Fake beauty

Sometimes I get back in time and remember my time as professional masseur. My customers were the top-dancers in the country. Beautiful woman and some men, highly trained and in perfect shape. Every person was a hard job to massage, there naked bodies curved in a sensual beauty on my table under the powers of my hands. Some loved the touch so much that they enjoyed it more than expected. But to me it was a lesson to watch the human body in all aspects. The beauty of a healthy not modified body.

Lately I was requested to massage a new group of dancers by a good friend of mine who owns a dancing school. When the table opened they were lining up, some already naked. I was astonishing to see the sizes of breasts of such young girls. Some Korean dancers were only 18 with firm strong breasts and other curves not to mention here. During my massage it occurred to me how much had been altered on these bodies, how artificial they felt. Many nerves were damaged and they could not enjoy the massage half as much as the old customers did.

Their bodies were mutilated by bigger breasts, flat stomachs, curved hips, altered womanhood and changed faces. Most of them young and beautiful from a distance. But as Age Control specialist I know that the body changes every seven years. Most of these girls would spend a lifetime work on operations to keep these bodies in shape and with every operation more damage was caused, more harm done and aging would take a devastating toll on them. Instead of aging later they will start aging much more early than a non-altered woman.

For a body and mind professional like me I prefer the natural shape of a woman, the natural her. With Asians the small breast fits with the rest of the body, the tiny parts of fat are needed and make the grip so much better, the curves are not perfect and that all makes them to beautiful woman. In my vision a healthy woman is a natural beauty. Maybe she does not win an artificial beauty price but she will win a natural aging process because a woman gets more beautiful over time, like a riping fruit she will taste better with every bite you take.

Birth control

Sex before marriage is currently a normal event. No longer the virgin is a sign of “being clean” . Our younger generation is changing attitude and boy and girls are well aware of sexuality. They are aware of feelings and most even know how to have sex, but do they really know how to protect themselves. It may sound old fashion from an activist like me but I am not in favor of children who are conceived outside an official marriage. Why not ? Children need the legal protection of a marriage, the witness of two persons who took the child for a reason and with a goal. Those two did marry and had a child for a reason in their life , to love and bring up the child in the best way possible. It is true that other people who just living together also may think that way but why not take the legal step to get a paper proving so ? Yes the commitment of marriage is a form of birth control already. But when the children want to have sex we better teach them how to avoid getting children. It is important to teach them the use of birth control possibilities like the use of condoms, anti-conception and other ways. Maybe this all sound technical but we better prevent stupidity and the danger of disease than ignore them. If children have sex let them be very well aware of the consequences and how to prevent. Do not shut up about this prevention, we are building cars with a higher safety level again and again but forget that our children need to be well prepared for the moments of danger. If you do not believe me, just go to any ordinary party and see how many people get drunken. Are you willing to swear that drunken people do behave well and stay rational ? If so we do live in another world. Prevention is the key to our survival and the mental preparation of marriage and commitment to become a good parent. ………..

Older woman and young man

Tell me your first thought. I do not need to guess, you despise the fact of a young man with an older woman. You consider the man as being sick in his head and the woman a dirty person. But this is how the future of China will look like. If a man wants sex he must be less critical as the amount of women is shrinking with the day. Young woman are demanding more and more. Most young men will not be able to live up the standards of those eager, fast and luxury demanding women. Sex is one important drive to man and he will need to adjust his vision in the future. Older woman are no longer of limit. Question is ; will society accept this happening ? Laws are changing, rules are relaxing , more children are promoted and the people are stimulated to consider children as important again. But we will have to bridge a long gap before the society moves back to a right balance between male and female and young and old. If society continues the importance of boys over girls, we will see the young man even hunting for an older woman……….. Arnaud van der Veere

Sex when older

Older people do not have sex. That is the vision of the younger. You should not have feelings when you are older. That is a typical statement of the younger generations through the centuries. But how different is reality. Most elderly people are longing for sex, they even are able to enjoy it better than the younger. Question is how we define sex. Most people think of sex in simple terms of copulation as an act between man and woman. To elder people this is not interesting anymore. Sex to older people is so much more and takes much longer. It is all about enjoying each other, about the satisfaction of the whole physic and mind. There is no target in the sex as the need to make children does not exist any longer. Passion, a feeling of intimacy and most of all a feeling of mutual acceptance and respect. Real sex only exist when people genuinely feel love for each other and able to show this physically to the other person. In Asian society there is a problem. The elderly did never really learn to enjoy sex as a part of their development. When older they have to develop a whole new lifestyle to cope with their needs and wishes. Many need to learn how to enjoy their own body and mind. Some need to be taught how to show passion, be open in body and mind and respect their body and mind. The feeling of wanting sex is nothing negative but a part of nature. This statement is so hard to accept for most older Asians and they live a life of frustration and anger. This is a call for the elderly ; accept who you are passionately and seek the possibilities of feeling love and to be loved mentally and physically when you have a chance. Do not walk away of your own feelings, you will regret it. ……….. Arnaud van der Veere

Sex and desire, nature or nurture

Woman love sex, yes they do but in so different way than men do. Men follow nature, women nurture. The nature of men is to have as much sex and partners as possible and the nature of woman is to have a limited amount of partners as possible and sex with an even lesser amount. Sex is rather sacred to a woman and commodity for a man. The desire of a woman is based on mentality and feeling, the desire of men based on the level of his hormones. If we look at both sex and desire in relation to men they are both more directed by the nature than the nurture. Men act more impulsively on both than woman will ever do. Woman see both as something they are educated in, not by nature but by experience and other lessons. They have to control both at any time of the day and hardly ever will be able to just let it go like men do. A woman must be in control of her desire and sex drive. Question is does she always want that ?

Over 30 and unmarried

A horrifying picture to many young women. When you reach the age of 30 you should be married and having a child already. That is how society expect you to do it. They will ask ; what is your excuse ? Suddenly you realize that you probably had no time to meet the right guy or you even did not encounter any that suited your taste of a man. Some of you had a man and tasted the fruits of love but were disappointed and considered it rotten fruit or even worse. Yes you did try it even a little. My question is ; did you ever consider the fact that a woman of over 30 is super attractive, interesting often well educated, has knowledge about life and knows how to behave. Young woman  should not be any competition for you ! But the “love market” shows different. Men give you the feeling as being left over, being no longer the young innocent girl they want to use. Here we do have the core of the problem. It is not you who is the problem, no the men do not want to have a full grown woman who is able to make decisions. They seek for a weaker halve who will obey and serve the man. For many woman it feels like they are the persons who made a mistake but let me guarantee you ; you did not make any mistake and soon society will recognize your abilities. Many woman reach for dating sites, in my vision a risky possibility. Check my book for tips on how to use them. Do not look to often for the foreigners as they are not your solution to a cultural problem. Foreign man are no better than Chinese man, not at all. Some are even worse. Lady if you are looking for a solution be sure we can help you on the way, an often adventurous way, interesting and most of all very rewarding as you should be proud of who you are , we can prove you are someone special to consider.

Is marriage a must ?

Who wants to be married ? Isn’t marriage something of the past , something your parents did ? Why do you want to be married ? Do you want to have a social status of being someone’s woman or are you serious in love with the guy ? To most readers these questions are strange. Marriage is a traditional binding of man and woman, at least that is how it used to be. Currently all over the world man can marry a man and a female a female. The holy matrimony is no longer a sacred place for man and woman alone. Being married is no longer a security as when we see the divorce rates we have to ask ourselves the risks of getting married, especially if our carrier is involved. But marriage at least legalize the children, it gives the children a legal ground to exist and start a life. Love is the issue now, no longer the family takes care of you. Your position is changed, the family is totally depended on you. When you marry there are so many people you will need to take care of. Yes all this delivers stress. But did you ever consider the moments you slept alone in your bed and needed that warm arms around you ? Marriage is confusing we all have so many pro’s and contra’s that there is never a real solution to it. To marry is a risk like gambling with your life. But are you ready for the step ? My solution to this problem ; if you never did try it, you will never know ……….

Introducing the Wai, a ply for hygiene


The Thai Wai is a method of greeting where two hands are pressed together with fingers pointing towardthe “s

images (1)

ky”. It is a clear method of respectful greeting. Most of all it is a clear and cau

In my work I often have to shake hands. Some hands are clean but most are … Yes the question is IF most hands are that clean as they supposed to be. I have my doubts.tious way.

Why do we need to touch the other person so hard ? I do not like when people shake my hand like the want to decapitate my arm or use it to show their strength. Some give a hand like a wet tea leave wh

images (5)

ile others

crush it to pieces.

A Wai is a saver way, cleaner as we do not need to touch

tting herpes that way. I prefer not to kiss any stranger at all.each other, saver as we will not be crushed and we are able to keep a certain distance of any person approaching you. Most woman do not like that pulling hand and wet dog like kisses that are often going with the shaking, I have to admit I do not like it either, have seen to many people ge

images (6)Maybe we have to start an international action


“Get the Wai” and do not touch m

e ? Any people in favor images (7)?


images (2)

Writing is a passion (English / Japanese)

 Writing is a passion, we all know that.


But to write about specific topics is more than a passion, it is partly science.


My writing carrier did start in 1984 with my book about Kick Boxing.

私の作家としてのキャリアはキックボクシングの本を書いた1984年に始まりました。There was very few fact that I could check and hardly any literature available in the Western world.

当時西洋で調査できる資料はほとんどなく、また参考になる文献もありませんでした。Most of what I needed had to be translated.


It was not easy to collect the facts, tales and legends and make them easy to understand for the Western mind.


Besides the differences in language I had to cope with differences in culture.


In most of my books I deal with the cultural differences between East and West.

私がこれまで書いた本のほとんどは東洋と西洋の文化的違いを取り上げています。It is important to translate not only the words but most of all the thoughts with carry the meaning further.


 Asians are mainly problem oriented thinkers , while Westerners are more solution oriented.


Both will reach the goal but in different ways.


We can state that there is not a better way.


When I started to write my book on Sleep disorders for the Chinese market I had to do a lot of research.


Western scientist thought their ways were superior to others.


During my study I found this arrogant attitude more than misplaced as some forms of sleep problems better could be solved the Asian way.


It was funny to see the reaction of so called sleep experts when confronted with my research.


The Western threw it away, the Chinese came with questions and considered the alternatives more.


In fact some Western educated Chinese started to study and appreciate their own culture more.


During my study I had to interview a few hundred people in different countries.


It was soon clear that my main partners were women.


 One of the most important reason was that women were able and willing to communicate in English.


They became my partners in most research studies and they were willing to share the questions with many others while men did not do much to help.


My interest in women did grow and I wanted to find the reasons why they were willing to help me.


Women are more socially active than men.


 They are willing to share for a reason.


One of their mean reasons is that by helping others and solving problems , they could easier solve their own problems.


A women is willing to share and care to get a stronger social status in fact become into a more important social order.


This is unlike men who consider competition as most important to get a higher social status.


During the many interviews I found that woman still were suffering of many problems in the relationship with men and in most cases it was not justified by reason but by social or cultural acceptance.


In many cases women received the wrong information or were less educated in important things.


Men wanted to justify the non-education by saying that the teachings were against the culture.


I did consider this a very short sighted reasoning in most cases.


One of my main problems was the sexual boundaries for women.


It is in no way intention to “free” women of all sexual limitations.

これは女性をすべての性的な制限から「開放する」という意図ではまったくありません。In  fact they are not willing to that at all.


But the reason is that woman need to know the dangers of sex before it happens.


Being aware of sexual conduct before happening can prevent unwanted pregnancy, abortion (the killing of life !!), rape, prostitution and sexual misconduct.


Educated women make more sensible decisions which are often not liked by the men.


Men like women and women like men.


I do not talk about homosexuality as that is not my specialty.


But the like is not always equal.


Culture and society can force the weakest link – in most cases the woman – into difficult position.


Her position may even end up in her death or endanger her life.


As long as the women is the weakest link I will try to assist them to become equal to men.


Men may think it is not good that women are equal to men but educated men will never accept a stupid women next to them.


It is an international saying that behind every strong man there is a strong woman and history did proof this time and time again.


My book is all about a good relationship between men and women, an equal balanced loving relationship.


The book teach how to find love but also how to finished an endless suffering.


It is my question to read the book well and return to me with questions. Questions that need answers……… as we all have them plenty !


Thank you ,,,